Happy Birthday Danielle!!!

Happy Birthday Danielle!
That year flew by! I remember the kids and I making your birthday card last year...that was so much fun! I pray more blessings for you, the family, and the year to come! Hope you have a WONDERFUL birthday!

Elisha

Apologies...

This is my apology to those who may be reading my blog! Not to be making excuses...I've had a pretty rough couple of weeks. The roughness is just starting and will probably be here for a while, but God is showing me that for the last two-three weeks I've been dealing with it completely wrong. I've lost my positiveness in this aspect which totally disturbs me because positiveness is who I am. I cling to positiveness...it makes me me and keeps me happy. God is positiveness and I cling to Him which is how I discovered my short coming. Though there will be days, moments, times where I probably will slip back into my horrible, frustrated mood...we all slip, but that's where God comes in and lifts me back up! So please consider this my written apology for the past few negative...frustrating blogs!

Frustration...

Frustration plagues my life right now...almost everywhere I turn frustration is there. Seriously people I'm just trying to get life in order, trying to find a job (and so far getting no where), debt in order and paid off, unagreed on debt taking care off, and just getting to a place where I'm comfortable and able to get a place of our own. All I'm getting right now is yelled at and frustrated. God, I know you won't give me anything I can't handle...please help!!!!!! There are too many tears in my life right now and I HATE crying!

Absence...

To all you blog readers out there...
Sorry for my long extended absence. I've been going through a lot lately. Extreme sickness (Flu-ish with a temp of 102.5) for a week, a lot of emotional things are coming back up and I've been having to think...think...think! Sorry for being gone so long...

PAIN...

I'm angry for how you've hurt me! All the ways you've hurt me: broken promises, never caring, innocence turned to shame, hurtful words, lies, lies, and MORE LIES...EVERYTHING! All you've ever done is hurt me!
I did things you enjoyed in hopes you'd notice me, be proud of me, and in turn love me too...did it work? ...NO...
I quasi-excelled in school in hopes you'd noticed me, be proud of me, and in turn love me too...did it work? ...NO...
Why did you steal from me...steal everything from me? My pictures, my identity, my good name, my life?
Why did you break my trust time...after time...after time...after time?
Are you trying to ruin my life?
Why can't I believe anything you say anymore?
...even when you say "I love you"...why can't I believe you?
I'm afraid of getting hurt again...I'm afraid to trust you...I'm afraid to believe you. Though I knew it was true long before, it killed me inside when you admitted you didn't care about me the first 18 years of my life. It hurt when you told me I was the source of the problem. You've hurt me in so many ways!
::I NEED TO GET THIS OUT...I NEED TO LET THIS GO::
I want to say I hate you, but I know I don't. I want to say I've never loved you, but I always have. I use to look up to you. I use to admire you. Now I just feel sorry for you. I try to pray for you, honestly it hurts...but I still do. I also pray someday I can finally trust you, and finally believe you again...someday....

My Mother-in-law

My mother-in-law is as sweet as can be (one of the nicest people I know). Earlier while I was straightening mine and Jared's room and having a chat with Addison (the 3-year-old my mother-in-law nannys) Barb walked in to ask my advice about her hair...she likes it short but my father-in-law likes it long. While we were talking Addison was running and jumping onto our amazing pod chair (pretty much entertaining herself while trying to attract attention (like all 3-year-olds do) and I was making our bed and Barb was seated on the coffee table. I turn around to find while we were talking she was rearranging our diffuser sticks (::RED ALERT::). To recap a previous blog...I'm weird about people messing with the diffuser sticks. I held my cool and didn't freak out (on the outside) and once she left rushed to fix them back the way they go...

SAD! I know...I know, but hey at least I held my cool while she was in the room :-)