Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Apologies...


This is my apology to those who may be reading my blog! Not to be making excuses...I've had a pretty rough couple of weeks. The roughness is just starting and will probably be here for a while, but God is showing me that for the last two-three weeks I've been dealing with it completely wrong. I've lost my positiveness in this aspect which totally disturbs me because positiveness is who I am. I cling to positiveness...it makes me me and keeps me happy. God is positiveness and I cling to Him which is how I discovered my short coming. Though there will be days, moments, times where I probably will slip back into my horrible, frustrated mood...we all slip, but that's where God comes in and lifts me back up! So please consider this my written apology for the past few negative...frustrating blogs!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Frustration...

Frustration plagues my life right now...almost everywhere I turn frustration is there. Seriously people I'm just trying to get life in order, trying to find a job (and so far getting no where), debt in order and paid off, unagreed on debt taking care off, and just getting to a place where I'm comfortable and able to get a place of our own. All I'm getting right now is yelled at and frustrated. God, I know you won't give me anything I can't handle...please help!!!!!! There are too many tears in my life right now and I HATE crying!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Absence...

To all you blog readers out there...
Sorry for my long extended absence. I've been going through a lot lately. Extreme sickness (Flu-ish with a temp of 102.5) for a week, a lot of emotional things are coming back up and I've been having to think...think...think! Sorry for being gone so long...

PAIN...

I'm angry for how you've hurt me! All the ways you've hurt me: broken promises, never caring, innocence turned to shame, hurtful words, lies, lies, and MORE LIES...EVERYTHING! All you've ever done is hurt me!
I did things you enjoyed in hopes you'd notice me, be proud of me, and in turn love me too...did it work? ...NO...
I quasi-excelled in school in hopes you'd noticed me, be proud of me, and in turn love me too...did it work? ...NO...
Why did you steal from me...steal everything from me? My pictures, my identity, my good name, my life?
Why did you break my trust time...after time...after time...after time?
Are you trying to ruin my life?
Why can't I believe anything you say anymore?
...even when you say "I love you"...why can't I believe you?
I'm afraid of getting hurt again...I'm afraid to trust you...I'm afraid to believe you. Though I knew it was true long before, it killed me inside when you admitted you didn't care about me the first 18 years of my life. It hurt when you told me I was the source of the problem. You've hurt me in so many ways!
::I NEED TO GET THIS OUT...I NEED TO LET THIS GO::
I want to say I hate you, but I know I don't. I want to say I've never loved you, but I always have. I use to look up to you. I use to admire you. Now I just feel sorry for you. I try to pray for you, honestly it hurts...but I still do. I also pray someday I can finally trust you, and finally believe you again...someday....

Thursday, October 1, 2009

My Mother-in-law

My mother-in-law is as sweet as can be (one of the nicest people I know). Earlier while I was straightening mine and Jared's room and having a chat with Addison (the 3-year-old my mother-in-law nannys) Barb walked in to ask my advice about her hair...she likes it short but my father-in-law likes it long. While we were talking Addison was running and jumping onto our amazing pod chair (pretty much entertaining herself while trying to attract attention (like all 3-year-olds do) and I was making our bed and Barb was seated on the coffee table. I turn around to find while we were talking she was rearranging our diffuser sticks (::RED ALERT::). To recap a previous blog...I'm weird about people messing with the diffuser sticks. I held my cool and didn't freak out (on the outside) and once she left rushed to fix them back the way they go...

SAD! I know...I know, but hey at least I held my cool while she was in the room :-)

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Project #5

So Project #5 was to sew/repair Jared's khaki shorts that he wore in our wedding. Project #5=COMPLETE!

BUT....
I must add another project to the list...the new Project #5: Project get back in shape!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Projects...,

I was wanting to post on here, but really didn't know what to post...so I decided to post randomly about projects that are in the middle of my mind (not front and not pushed into the back...but middle because I do think semi-regularly about them). I have more than too much time on my hands lately, with no extra money so these projects are pretty much staying ideas for right now.
(in no particular order)

Project #1:
Project Throw Pillow-
I love to sew...so I've have decided that I want to make some throw pillows for our bed. We don't really have ANY extra money to put towards this project so all I pretty much have is a few fabric swatches. Some of them I like; some of them I don't...some of them match the colors; most of them don't. I have realized that there are just too many shades of green in this world (don't get me wrong green is one of my most favorite colors)I have had a whirlwind of a time find a green that matches. But I have more than enough time to find one because as I stated before we don't have the extra money at the time to put towards this project (heads-up: this is a factor in most if not all my projects)

Project #2:
Project Birthday Presents-
So once again I love to sew...and birthdays are coming up. I have been gathering ideas here and there of birthday presents for friends and family. ::Insert on going factor here::
But soon hopefully we will have some extra money flow into the Budlong family!
I can't go into too much deal in this project because they are birthday presents and I'd hate to ruin surprises.

Project #3
Project Get Elisha a Job-
This has also sadly been an on going project, that has lasted about 2 months now. Thankfully I think I might have found a solution. It might be a little tough starting out but thankfully I learn quickly! For the past three years I've been all kids all the time, and maybe God is just wanting me to get a change of scenery for a few months before diving into this church plant where I'll be handling the nursery and preschool (which is where my heart is). But I can see God's hand in this telling me to take a break for a bit...try something new...thirst yourself for teaching children...redevelop your passion in that area so you will give it your all. So I hope this job opportunity works out and I can get a change of scenery for a bit, so when the church plant finally happens I can and will give it my all and then some. I'm going to apply for a job at JCPenney next Monday...please be praying I get the job!

Project #4
Project Find a Friend (on the Eastern Shore)-
So going from Birmingham, where I had more friends then I knew what to do with, to here on the Eastern Shore, where honestly it's been hard finding just one, has kinda been throwing me for a loop. For some reason it was more than easy for me to make loads and loads of friends in Birmingham, but here on the Eastern Shore it's been 2 full months and yeah I'm getting closer to people but MAN is this friend making business hard! I sometimes feel like everyone had their nice little friend group all set up and here I come and bust into everything and honestly at times (not all the time but sometimes) I feel like there were this imaginary blinking signs that say NO VACANCY!

*welcome to my inner self...enjoy your stay...be forewarned it can sometimes get little scary weird*

I am getting closer though. Jared and I are apart of this wonderful small group. The people are genuine and all around nice. It has taken a bit of time but it is starting to get more comfortable. ::Secret about me:: for those who know me might not believe it unless you've been around when it has happened, but for those who don't might...when I'm in a new group of people I tend to be super shy. I don't know why but I do...and sadly sometimes my shyness comes off as snobbish. Again...I don't know why and I don't mean for it too...it just does. So, I'm praying the shyness finally leaves me to just be me all the time.

Project #5
Project Sew Jared's shorts-
I'M SUCH A PROCRASTINATOR!

Project #6
Project Jewelry Maker-
I always have so many creative ideas rounding around in my head and very few of them ever get past that stage mainly because of the ::insert on going factor here::
But...I love jewelry and have for a while wanted to make jewelry, so once we get some extra money flowing in I'm going to try and jump on that because like I said I have for a while wanted to do this.

This pretty much for now sums up my project ideas...I'm sure more will come along because I have too much time on my hands..thus ideas are always popping up left and right. :-)